I sometimes feel like I was born too late. My choice of television shows, movies, and documentaries shows this. In terms of historical figures and cultures, I prefer the explorers, particularly mountain men, and the Vikings. Their rugged and adventurous nature has always connected me to their special, God-made DNA! It’s understandable that many of these stories are portrayed with wrongful violence and abhorrent acts, making it difficult for you to make this “God-made” connection in your mind.
In clarification, I am not drawn to these cultures because of these types of scenes. The violence they were capable of is usually emphasized in movies, and many of them are fuelled by it, without a doubt. They would have you believe that’s the everyday life of everyone, but that is not the case. My admiration is the physical and mental strength, and many skills they knew had to be deeply trained into them. They had to be constantly honed and added to from an early age to their older years. They knew these constant efforts could mean the difference between life and death at a moment’s notice. They had to come from muscle memory when needed.
I’m not against fighting for the right reasons at all and enjoy watching an action scene when all the training is unleashed to defeat the evil and corrupt. God Himself has instructed and guided many of His chosen into ruthless battles as clearly shown in the scriptures. We know that there is daily war in the spiritual realm where God’s men, and angels, fight against Satan and his multitude of fallen angels. Many men are called on today in both the governmental and private sectors to commit to specialized training of strength and skills. This is to be called on at a moment’s notice to defend, rescue, and defeat evil in the world. Every man should think in this light where the same is expected of them at home to defend their families and property.
OK, enough about that, hopefully the point and importance is clearly stated. I want to move on to more aspects of what I feel is at the core of every man’s calling to be a Kingdom Man. I actually have a complete website devoted to this subject at https://www.247365kingdommen.com and encourage you to check it out when you can.
Again, it seems I identify with men from those periods more than I do with all the demasculated, hyper-sensitive, weak-minded men who seem to be everywhere today. My biggest disconnect is with the all too common bold efforts of media-driven promotion of lifestyles so far from our previous generations that is overwhelmingly accepted and promoted as the new norm in today’s society. I admire the men of older times, as well as those of our own grandfathers. I admire the way they lived their lives and felt it was so imperative to preserve and pass down. Below is certainly not an all-encompassing list but a primer of who those men were in my opinion and what was critical to them, and true men today.
The Protectors
Our forefathers were often men of remarkable courage. Knowing how to protect their families, belongings, and way of life was as natural as breathing. They possessed knowledge and skills instilled in them by their fathers, who learned them from their fathers, who… ( well you get it! ). On the contrary, the average man today knows next to nothing about such skills and knowledge. He has to rely on local, state, and federal governments to protect those they love the most. I understand that in some ways we “seem” to be safer today than in the days of old when we hear stories of Indian raids, bands of robbers, civil wars, etc. However, if you have a television or a radio and ever turn it on and hear any news at all, it only takes a minute to see that that is far from true. The only difference between then and now is the dangers to watch out for and prepare for! Today we have as many or more threats to our families than ever before and those threats have weapons and technology far beyond what our forefathers had to learn about and prepare to protect their family and loved ones from. We need real men today that still see the need, are willing to make the commitment, and seek out every resource and opportunity to acquire all they can to be ready and capable should the need arise to stand up and protect those they love and their property with all they have learned, practiced, and have at their disposal from such efforts.
The Providers
Our forefathers also took pride in being providers for their families and often worked long work days to ensure they were adequately provided for. Asking for help beyond their own means was rare. For the most part, requesting was not necessary among a band of brothers that knew you well and visited regularly. Did they ask for help? Of course, they did. However, there was one big difference that I don’t often see today. Men of yesterday had a code where help was shared both ways. If your neighbors and brothers came to your aid and helped you in a time of need, loaned you money or their tools, etc. You were truly grateful and most importantly, you remembered it. As soon as you learned that a neighbor or brother had a need, without thinking of how it would inconvenience you, you were there and gave them your all. With that code of honor in place, there was no need for local, state, and federal assistance funded by the hard-earned taxes regularly deducted from their wages and doled out to people they don’t even know. On the contrary, many people today seek out and qualify for any government assistance possible. They accept assistance from others with scanty to no thought of returning that help when they learn of another’s need. We need a generation of men who have the pride and resolve to provide for their families. They are willing to perform any work required, favorable or not that they are physically and mentally capable of. We need men willing to get up, get dressed, and report to work when they don’t feel well, didn’t sleep well, and the plethora of other excuses men use today to stay home, denying their employer the resources they needed and the money much required to provide for their family. Most importantly and ever so missing today we need men who are always looking for an opportunity to reach out and help another brother and his family. This is whether they know them personally or sometimes not at all. That is one of the greatest values of men and will bring blessings that so many men lack today!
Standing Firm in Beliefs and Values
Our forefathers stood firm in their beliefs and values while respecting others’ differences. As long as one group did not try to force their beliefs and values on another, they lived in peace for the most part. They even lived together as valued friends and co-workers. I don’t recall stories of them however forfeiting the core values this mighty country was founded on and many men including their fathers died to protect. They sacrificed their lives to protect other groups with different backgrounds, beliefs, and values. Some of these groups migrate here and push their unfamiliar belief systems on us. The greatest and most sought-after reason people have migrated to this country for generation after generation is our openness and freedom to live among each other respecting our differences with a focus on our common traits and goals. My forefathers left an English monarchy in the 1500s migrating to this country to escape terrible tyranny. My direct grandfathers were among the top of the British ruling class prior to that decision. They served in King Henry VII’s s last three parliaments with one grandfather making court judgments on the king’s behalf when he was away from the throne. Another grandfather was the chief architect of the Buckingham house. Another is buried above ground with my grandmother at the entry of the Austin Friars church in London. However, for reasons I’m not aware of, they left all of that and came to the American continent in the 1500s. They have since fought and died to defend the freedoms and new life that so much was sacrificed for to create this great country we call home here in the U.S. So… while yes, we welcome others and understand that they are not always like us, we have poured a lot of blood to make this country what it is and we WILL NOT allow others to come here and defile it by trying to push another monarchy or ruling class on us, especially if it is in direct opposition to the Judaeo-Christian values we hold so dear, especially when their culture supports perversions and disrespect to our women and children. We will not force our Judaeo-Christian beliefs on anyone that legally makes this their home. However, we ask that they respect our laws, belief systems and not force us to forfeit our long-standing traditions and values to accommodate theirs above and superior to our own. For this reason, we need men like our forefathers willing to stand firm and defend!
Love and Respect the Ladies
I do believe that the one area of being a real man that appears to be most lacking in today’s generation is the way a man treats the lady he’s closest to, usually his wife or girlfriend. One thing that immediately aggravates me is hearing another man refer to his wife or girlfriend as “old lady”, “baby mama”, or any other disrespectful term. Yet, making disrespectful references to someone in your life that should be worthy of your full respect is all too common today.
I’m very fortunate to have been raised by a father and mother who tag-teamed their efforts to make sure I understood the importance of being a gentleman, not only to those I was closest to but to any and every female I came into contact with. Mom and dad taught me that age was not a factor. I wasn’t to treat the older generation of women in a special way, who may recognize and appreciate the effort more often. I wasn’t to regard the younger generation any different, who all too often don’t have a clue the respect you’re paying them and sometimes even get offended by it. It’s important to treat them the same and see the reward of a “thank you” from those who recognize your efforts and to know you did the right thing even when there’s no acknowledgement or even negative feedback from others.
“Ma’am” – To this day I instinctively say “yes ma’am“, “no ma’am“, and just “ma’am” as a short way of saying hi. If I’m wearing a hat, I tend to briefly remove it or at least tip it. This is usually achieved with my hand on the front brim or just a quick nod. The term “ma’am” appears to be more popular in the south and northwestern states and is more associated with cowboy culture than any other in my observation. I meet and work with a number of women that have moved from the north or northeastern states where this term doesn’t appear to be popular. They have been raised by fathers that didn’t use it and have gotten some strange looks from time to time. Women in the workplace today where they are very much equal to men and hold as many if not more management positions also seem to sometimes find this term a bit derogatory now. For the life of me, I don’t understand that as it’s a high form of respect to them if they only knew! One of the times when the lady seemed less than receptive was when she replied, “don’t call me ma’am, it makes me feel old”. I’m flabbergasted. Why does such a respectful word have to be a thing of the past, not fitting in this day and age among women? My answer is usually jokingly replying “ma’am ( there I am again! ), I’d much rather offend you unknowingly by saying that than feel my dad’s boot in my butt for forgetting to!” That usually gets a chuckle and I continue to do so.
Be the first to the entrance door. – Men, if you’re walking up to the door of a restaurant or storefront and there is a woman, no matter how young or old, of color, class, etc. You might be approaching the door at the same time, or perhaps they’re behind you. However, for God’s sake, make every effort to open the door if necessary! Hold the door open for as long as needed if others are behind her. Most will thank you, some will ignore you. Either way, also return a “you’re welcome” when thanked. Personally, I like to say the same to those who ignore you or fail to thank you. However, sometimes you get a dirty look from them.
The car door – I really wish I saw more men today making an extra effort when approaching their vehicle with their wife or girlfriend. They should walk to the passenger side and open the door for them. They should make sure they are all in and then gently shut the door behind them. Then walk around and get into the vehicle yourself. I can’t think of a reason why this extra effort isn’t worth the time and energy. However, it demonstrates to her that her safety and comfort are your highest priority when approaching your vehicle. Rarely do I see this today. Why? I have to confess that I sometimes get too busy, sidetracked, etc. And sometimes I forget myself but don’t feel right when I realize I’ve done so. Guys, this is so critical and should not fade into the past as outdated and no longer necessary. Show the lady you love that her safety and comfort are of importance to you. Show others that this lady is special!
There are so many other areas to cover to truly understand the importance of this topic. This is if you’re interested in being a real man. While I personally give all other ladies I meet the true respect, honor, protection, and care they deserve, it’s a daily effort that you have to keep up with on a daily basis. Some days we forget and miss opportunities. That’s OK. Just do your part to keep this most defining aspect of true manhood front and center when you two are together.
A Man’s Word is His Contract
As I grew up, I remember being told to always reach out my hand when approaching another man for conversation. I was taught to not just give a handshake, but a hearty and firm handshake, the sign of a real and honest man. My dad had big strong hands. When I reached adulthood and visited dad, I always got a handshake, sometimes a hug as well, but definitely a handshake. Not only did his hands engulf mine but his strength was evident immediately. He was strong, but not overpowering strong. Dad taught me to gauge my firmness by the other man’s grip. To this day I always greet a man with a firm handshake as dad taught me. It’s a bit funny to me how many men today that I’ve shaken hands with claim it was too firm when I know it wasn’t. Today so many men have soft handshakes that fail to provide the same impression and signal as our forefathers.
Why am I talking about handshakes? Because many contracts were just that once! Two men discuss a deal or ask for something and shake. That handshake was as binding as any piece of paper with words and signatures. And once a deal or agreement was reached and you agreed to it, you kept your end of that deal or agreement! It might turn out to be harder than you expected, cost more, etc. But you sucked it up and completed the task as per the agreement.
It seems we live in a society today where paper contracts are necessary to do just about anything in the business world. Attorneys often word those contracts so cryptic that everyone signs their name to writing they clearly don’t understand. Then there are those “loopholes” that the audacious and greedy attempt to take advantage of when something isn’t working their way and they want out of the agreement. It’s sad that the world, especially the business world, has come down to everything being on a contract, non-disclosure agreement, etc. In order to have a decent conversation about a topic.
I’ve preferred some business conversations to writing myself, and I don’t like it being that way! It’s dangerous sometimes in this day and age of work culture to have a work conversation where people agree to take on assignments, sometimes with deadlines. They then get to a point where something isn’t done, or done on time. There is the “you didn’t say that”, “I don’t remember you saying that”, etc. Email has become the mainstay of business communications today and can be used to document exactly what’s said and isn’t said. I live in this world every day, but I miss the days when two men simply visited and leave shaking hands!
I’ll stop here because this could go on and on and many pages later I’ll still think of so many ways we as men should live in today’s world, honoring our forefathers who invested so much in us with hopes of us carrying their teachings into our lives, living their code of honor today as they did in theirs. What I hope to accomplish with Old School Manliness is to help light a spark in those whose spark may be dim and encourage us all to remember the old ways of living that made this country so remarkable and to commit all we can to learning and embracing them again!
I look forward to writing many articles, some expounding on the things you’ve read above. I also look forward to writing various aspects of a seemingly lost art of living like real men again. I hope to hear from you and welcome your critique. I also welcome your own writings about your experiences and would enjoy including them here.
Keep it old school!
Blane Sheffield